the weekly bird
A Guide to Picking Up Chicks6 Tips to Sharpen Your Love Spear this Spring.
#1: Musk up. Smell like her deepest desire.
She a foodie?
Sprinkle a little Dorito dust on the wrists.
#2: Throw on your primo pair of dogs.
Ladies love a man that can handle his sapling
over a spiffed-up guy struggling with his spruce.
#3: Name drop. Constantly. Start with yourself.
"Hi. I'm Tom Foldgers."
The best way to start a relationship is with a bold-face lie.
#4: Pull a Beethoven at the local dog park.
Engage with her dog first.
If she's uninterested, pretend he attacked you.
Threaten to have it destroyed unless she goes on a date with you.
#5: Let the air out of her tires.
Call AAA to fix it.
Show her a relationship with you comes with its perks.
#6: Lower your standards. Aim small, miss small.
"Got your sight set on a 10?
Why not try two 5's or better yet, five 2's?
Lower your standards to raise your stats.
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