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The 5 Unspoken Rules of the Summer Pool

Ready yourself Wendy Peffercorn. 

kids in pool

 

Rule #1: Upon arrival, don't sulk around the locker room like you just lost the big game.
Storm the place like you just won the cup.

guys flexing black and white

Even the Romans enjoyed a good slack line. 

 

Rule #2: Never respect a male lifeguard.
Remind him that a grown man doesn't need a whistle to be heard.

lifegaurd tower

Giving folks the green light to go down the slide
is great preparation for a four-figure salary. 

 

Rule #3: Want to get a girl's attention?
Try pulling a Squints.

life gaurd

Flexing your muscles is a great way to get noticed in prison.
But at the summer pool, fake drowning is the fastest way to get play. 

getting saved underwater

Put your life in danger for a little 5 second frencher. 

fake life gaurd kiss

 

Rule #4: Apply sun screen liberally to steer clear of the sun.
Spray it on thick like it's perfume and you're a
Riverdale hooker prepping for Fleet Week.

applying perfume

Besides, tans are the fastest way to show someone you work outside.

men tanning

 

Rule #5:  Don't waste time running to the bathroom.
Aquatic predators don't leave the water to take a leak when blood is in the water.

holding two water baloons

 

You don't see a beaver in the middle of cleaving a dam go wet the woods.

fat beaver

 

An otter doesn't leave the rock to flush his buffers when he's cracking some clams.

otter

 

An orca never leaves the pod to go squeeze a lemon while he's pounding a flounder.

orca whale

Besides, people pay good money for a heated pool. 

Disco Suzies Birddogs

Gym Shorts you can urinate in underwater