5 Sure Steps to Self-Improvement in 2015

Step 2: Be more positive: drop compliments at work.

Step 1. Do more Cardio: Run a Stadium

Don't run up the stairs.

Unless you're Herschel Walker or a contestant on the biggest loser.

Run the field.

Head to head, field guy wins every time.

Step 2. Be positive: Drop more compliments.

"That little sortie you dropped back there was impressive. I saw at least three double-backs from the bathroom."

"I admire your ability to make another man re-think how long he can hold it."

Compliment the physical appearance of a colleague's wife.

"I never considered myself much of a dog person..."

"...but your wife sure does look handsome."

Step 3. Expand your off-line interests: Spend less time online.

"The internet?"

"Haven't been on it for years. The Kappas live next door."

Instead pick an offline hobby. Say astronomy.

Step 4. Walk taller at work: try carrying a big stick.

Sharpen a stick with a small knife at meetings.

If ever questioned about the practice, reply that if the TSA isn't worried about it, nor should they.

Step 5. Commit to comfort: lose the underwear in 2015.

Now that you watched one ball drop, get out there and let your two take that majestic journey of their own.

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