5 Sure Steps to Self-Improvement in 2015
Step 1. Do more Cardio: Run a Stadium
Don't run up the stairs.
Unless you're Herschel Walker or a contestant on the biggest loser.
Run the field.
Head to head, field guy wins every time.
Step 2. Be positive: Drop more compliments.
"That little sortie you dropped back there was impressive. I saw at least three double-backs from the bathroom."
"I admire your ability to make another man re-think how long he can hold it."
Compliment the physical appearance of a colleague's wife.
"I never considered myself much of a dog person..."
"...but your wife sure does look handsome."
Step 3. Expand your off-line interests: Spend less time online.
"Haven't been on it for years. The Kappas live next door."
Instead pick an offline hobby. Say astronomy.
Step 4. Walk taller at work: try carrying a big stick.
Sharpen a stick with a small knife at meetings.
If ever questioned about the practice, reply that if the TSA isn't worried about it, nor should they.
Step 5. Commit to comfort: lose the underwear in 2015.
Now that you watched one ball drop, get out there and let your two take that majestic journey of their own.