the weekly bird
6 Signs Your Buddy Wears Underwear
How to spot a man with a weak seed.
Sign #1: A weak seed.
How do you spot low fertility? Place a plant on his desk.
Just like the Lion King, the local ecosystem will decline when a true King is not on the throne.
Sign #2: A weak stream.
Keeping the hose in a constant coil means when it's time to do work, the flow won't meet the mission.
Sign #3: Signing emails with an adverb.
If he is closing out emails with sincerely, warmly, or yours truly, he might as well cover his keyboard with a dental dam.
An uncoiled man doesn't need to thank anyone for his correspondence, a simple reply of "done" will suffice.
Sign #4: Swimming in a t-shirt.
Modesty is for North Koreans and Southern Baptists.
Unless he has an inverted aerola, a man should bear arms, chest, and stomach meat.
Sign #5: Overeagnerness to resolve conflict.
If a rift between two commando-clad gents appears to be headed towards a garden variety dust-up...
...your brief-bunched friend will often intervene and take the blow, after which all parties consider the matter settled.
Sign #6: Clearing web-browser history.
Life all balled-up creates a constant state of paranoia that a lady will stumble upon his mash stash.
Liberated men take the Columbus Approach: leave a trail so others can discover a new world of back-alley internet delight.
MORE HEAT
Ok So Pants Are Backlogged: Here's Why It's Mark Cuban's Fault
Summer’s Here. That Means Oxford Birddogs and DWI’ing Golf Carts.
Get Seersucker Birddogs and You'll Marry Into Wealth.
5 Socially Crippling Stories About Our Friends.
Four New Wives Tales You Have Never Heard About.