THE WEEKLY BIRD

5 Presidential Facts Your History Teacher Left Out

Somebody put these guys on Mt. Rushmore. 
Fact #1: Ulysses S. Grant had a crippling fear of being seen naked.
The story begins the time a girl pitted Grant's cherry - and he hers.

When the tubby Grant exposed his General, she said he looked like a potato had filled a sink of discarded hair. 

Grant's live-in girlfriend then dumped him, and within a month she was engaged to someone else. 

 

FACT #2: Tiger Woods is the modern day Calvin Coolidge.

Allow me to introduce you to the "Calvin Coolidge Effect." 

It was a US President that realized a bus load of strong 5's beat a single 10 every day.  It's science people. 

Coolidge was a beautiful mind and a sexual deviant.  He once had a maid stick a finger up his ass and spread peanut butter on the back of his knees. 

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Fact #3: James Madison was softer than a bag of marshmallows.
At 5'4" and 100 lbs Madison had the build of a teenage girl.

He always ran in the parking lot. 

After his high school girlfriend dumped him, he still continued mowing her lawn for three years. 

 

FACT #4: Jimmy Carter fully believes in Aliens.
Carter claims he was abducted from his rural Georgia farm in the summer of 1973.

He demanded they immediately return him to Earth, to which they replied: 

He was next spotted at a McDonalds outside of Alpharetta where he had ordered $30 of food and left without any of it. 

 

FACT #5: LBJ would make even the most crooked man queasy.

How about that one time he had his aide close her eyes and sit down on his helicopter chair in the Oval Office: 

Or that one time he had an open bet with the majority whip that if he could fart the whole alphabet, he'd name his cousin Ambassador to Spain.. 

But if he didn''t make it past "G" he'd have to stick his face between LBJ's legs. 

 

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