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5 Things to Miss About the Fall (Other than the McRib)

#1: The ongoing romantic tension of Joke Buck and Troy Aikman. 
#1: The ongoing romantic tension of Joe Buck and Troy Aikman.

Joe buck and Troy Aikman broadcast

Every Sunday at 4pm (2pm Mountain time), America gets to watch a Hall of Fame quarterback and a talking forehead go full Brokeback through the majesty that is professional football.

 

#2: Halloween.
America's 2nd Independence Day.

JFK speaking

Girls take that to heart on Halloween and dress like Tampa strippers. 

Nemo and Dorey costumes

Thank you Sexy Dori for staying true to character, and blacking out every 15 min. - our nation is in your debt. 

 

#3: Movember.
No other time of the year can you look like a child molester yet be seen as charitable, stylish, and noble.

Did you lose a bet

man saying gross

man saying Armani

 

#4: Thanksgiving.
Nothing better than getting privately drunk and masturbating in the bedroom you grew up in.

Thanksgiving dinner

 

#5: Charity Gala Season (Tuxedo parties thrown by the very rich and unhappy for a cause nobody really cares about.)
If you're going to wake up hungover and depressed, mine as well do it with a girl who's family owns monogrammed towels.

charity gala

man saying he wants to eat beef sliders

man saying this party rocks