5 Things to Miss About the Fall (Other than the McRib)

#1: The ongoing romantic tension of Joke Buck and Troy Aikman. 
#1: The ongoing romantic tension of Joe Buck and Troy Aikman.

Every Sunday at 4pm (2pm Mountain time), America gets to watch a Hall of Fame quarterback and a talking forehead go full Brokeback through the majesty that is professional football.

 

#2: Halloween.
America's 2nd Independence Day.

Girls take that to heart on Halloween and dress like Tampa strippers. 

Thank you Sexy Dori for staying true to character, and blacking out every 15 min. - our nation is in your debt. 

 

#3: Movember.
No other time of the year can you look like a child molester yet be seen as charitable, stylish, and noble.

 

#4: Thanksgiving.
Nothing better than getting privately drunk and masturbating in the bedroom you grew up in.

 

#5: Charity Gala Season (Tuxedo parties thrown by the very rich and unhappy for a cause nobody really cares about.)
If you're going to wake up hungover and depressed, mine as well do it with a girl who's family owns monogrammed towels.