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6 Glorious Stories of Guys Getting Dumped.

Scrolling through phone with a bunch of text messages.
Dump #1: She said I had "pickle toes".
Also she was slamming another dude.
Pan up from toes to face, drinking a soda.
Dump #2: I got dumped in 8th grade because I thought it was pronounced "Cold Slaw."
Eating cole slaw.
Dump #3: I put on 15 lbs heading into Spring Formal. My friend said I looked like Mr. Peanut.
Everyone laughed and my girlfriend stared at her feet.
That night, she said that we were sexually incompatible.
Dump #4: She created a spreadsheet with an itemized list of everything wrong with me.
It was thorough and very accurate.
Inspecting spreadsheet and agreeing.
Dump #5: I got dumped on a Disney cruise ship holding a Good Humor Fat Frog.
Getting slapped and dropping ice cream cone on the ground.
Dump #6: Via fax.
Fax saying 'Hey Michael, fuck you, PS= all your buddies call you gueefmeister behind your back.