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5 Misses That Kept Me A Virgin Until I Was 23.

Guy making eye contact with dog while he's hooking up with a beautiful woman.
Miss #1: We were in the backseat removing our clothes when I accidentally kicked the shift lever and sent the car rolling down the hill.
The only thing that smashed that night wax a mailbox and some trash cans.
Miss #2: Did a split on the dance floor at Senior Prom.
The only cherry that got popped that night was my left testicle
Miss #3: Was watching a movie at her place and got the tum rums. I clogged and flooded her toilet.
The only thing that got wet that night was the bathroom floor.
Miss #4: Was driving to her place when I got a text that half the football team was tipping cows.
The only udders that got slapped that night were farmer Dillard's Holstein Bessie.
Miss #5: Was deep into some heavy petting in her basement, but her punk brother said he wouldn't leave until he finished the complete Lord of the Rings Trilogy.
The only bald headed hobbit that got to take a troll down to Fangorn Forest was Samwise Gamgee.