the weekly bird
7 Middle School Rumors You Just Couldn't ShakeDoesn't matter if it's true if enough people say it.
Rumor #1: Told my entire class that Gavin got AIDS when his family went to Portugal.
Everyone's parents called in a panic demanding that he only be allowed to use the bathroom in the nurse's office.
Rumor #2: Told everyone my buddy Scott had his period.
Turns out nobody knew what a period was so they kept spreading the rumor to not sound stupid.
Rumor #3: I dusted up a gay witch hunt on Jimmy Connor.
Nobody beats out Stan Hudson for JV catcher and walks away clean.
Rumor #4: I convinced everyone in the 7th grade that Ms. Norris didn't have knees.
Rumor #5: Stevie was the first kid to sprout facial hair so I called him a Werewolf on the bus ride to Six Flags.
Apparently it stuck, kid got howls at senior commencement.
Rumor #6: Found out Ashley B. had a crush on Tommy so I told everyone he kept a hit list in his lunchbox.
He threw a chair at the kid that told the teacher.
Rumor #7: I convinced my kid brother he was going to nut himself out of existence.
Told him it was a scientific fact that each time you beat it you got a little bit shorter.
Caught him measuring himself after we watched Boogey Nights.
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Movies We Haven't See and What We Think They're About.