the weekly bird
Birddogs Street Smarts: An Urban Guide to Safety.
Rule #1: Never wear flip flops.
They may look fun, but when you can't run, you get horribly raped and murdered.
Rule #2: If going to an outer borough, have 911 pre-dialed.
Rule #3: Wear corduroy pants.
When's the last time you heard a description of a missing person "last seen wearing corduroy pants?"
Rule #4: Preemptively punch every animal in the snout.
People will hate you, but the animal kingdom will keep a respectable distance.
Rule #5: If attacked by a bear, go limp and fall to the ground.
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