the weekly bird
Birddogs Street Smarts: An Urban Guide to Safety.
Rule #1: Never wear flip flops.
They may look fun, but when you can't run, you get horribly raped and murdered.
Rule #2: If going to an outer borough, have 911 pre-dialed.
Rule #3: Wear corduroy pants.
When's the last time you heard a description of a missing person "last seen wearing corduroy pants?"
Rule #4: Preemptively punch every animal in the snout.
People will hate you, but the animal kingdom will keep a respectable distance.
Rule #5: If attacked by a bear, go limp and fall to the ground.
Think Kim Kardashian's Smut to Stardom Was the Original? Please, Jim Jordashian Wrote the Playbook.
It's Snowing Steve Irwin (RIP). Put On Some Pants and Stay Alive.
5 Misses That Kept Me A Virgin Until I Was 23.
Call For Dick Hertz and Other Pranks We Regret From Childhood.
Why Aren’t BBQs Called Meat-N-Greets and Other Word Improvements.