#1: Urinals were designed to keep the line down.
Pants are the rumble strips of the tinkle turnpike.
Winnie the Pooh it.
Take it from a bear that can fit his whole first in a jar of honey, don't let anything come between you and relief.
#2: Have a work rival on a hot streak?
Shell shock him in his place of easement.
Rob a man of the ability to park his breakfast in peace and you'll own him for life.
#3: If that doesn't work, Mic drop it.
No greater power move than having someone else clean your dirty dishes.
#4: Become an office legend overnight. Give 'em a wetback.
#5: Need to huck the turd saw without your coworkers knowing you're the carpenter?
Avoid the feet creep and pull a Shawshank.
Keep a pair of square-toed Aldo's in a drawer for trips to and from the office chunder box for a little anal anonymity.
Really. How often do you look at a man's shoes?