the weekly bird
Gym Shorts For Guys Who Chase Whales.
Ahab's thirst is insatiable. He once got arrested for stealing plus-size mannequins from JC Penny.
The man refuses to use anything less than a No. 5 pencil because a No. 2 is just sickeningly thin.
Ahab spits out white wine because anything less than a full-bodied red is disgusting.
Ahab joined Greenpeace not to protest whale hunting, but to get first crack at fresh blubber.
Ben and Jerry's "Chunky Monkey" is a semi-autobiographical ice cream named after Captain Ahab.
Think Kim Kardashian's Smut to Stardom Was the Original? Please, Jim Jordashian Wrote the Playbook.
It's Snowing Steve Irwin (RIP). Put On Some Pants and Stay Alive.
5 Misses That Kept Me A Virgin Until I Was 23.
Call For Dick Hertz and Other Pranks We Regret From Childhood.
Why Aren’t BBQs Called Meat-N-Greets and Other Word Improvements.