the weekly bird
Gym Shorts For Guys Who Chase Whales.
Ahab's thirst is insatiable. He once got arrested for stealing plus-size mannequins from JC Penny.
The man refuses to use anything less than a No. 5 pencil because a No. 2 is just sickeningly thin.
Ahab spits out white wine because anything less than a full-bodied red is disgusting.
Ahab joined Greenpeace not to protest whale hunting, but to get first crack at fresh blubber.
Ben and Jerry's "Chunky Monkey" is a semi-autobiographical ice cream named after Captain Ahab.
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Think Kim Kardashian's Smut to Stardom Was the Original? Please, Jim Jordashian Wrote the Playbook.
It's Snowing Steve Irwin (RIP). Put On Some Pants and Stay Alive.
5 Misses That Kept Me A Virgin Until I Was 23.
Call For Dick Hertz and Other Pranks We Regret From Childhood.
Why Aren’t BBQs Called Meat-N-Greets and Other Word Improvements.
