the weekly bird
Gym Shorts For Guys Who Chase Whales.
Ahab's thirst is insatiable. He once got arrested for stealing plus-size mannequins from JC Penny.
The man refuses to use anything less than a No. 5 pencil because a No. 2 is just sickeningly thin.
Ahab spits out white wine because anything less than a full-bodied red is disgusting.
Ahab joined Greenpeace not to protest whale hunting, but to get first crack at fresh blubber.
Ben and Jerry's "Chunky Monkey" is a semi-autobiographical ice cream named after Captain Ahab.