the weekly bird
How to Master the Fine Art of Name-Dropping6 Comebacks that'll let folks know you know important folks.
Nate the Namedropper: You guys hear I scored an invite to Richard Branson's private island.
The guy has an entire pool filled with tequila.
Comeback: Dude get real. One time studying abroad, I saw J.K. Rowling pee on a Fiat after about 14 pints of Strongbow.
True story. My buddy Phil told her he loved her books. She called him a pussy and scream barfed on his Lonely Planet Guide.
Nate the Namedropper: Did I ever tell you guys I grew up across the street from Bono.
I used to bully his overweight son. Kid was a complete dweeb.
Comeback: Dude who cares. I grew up with Bobby Brown's bastard kid Billy.
This one time he stole his dad's car. Had all the girls in the neighborhood line up their bikes.
Ran them all over.
Nate the Namedropper: I managed to snag some artists passes at Coachella this year. Saw Calvin Harris backstage.
Weird to see people ask him for autographs.
Comeback: That's nothing. My mom once got felt up by Neil Diamond's bass player back at Woodstock '97.
Nate the Namedropper: My grandpappy used to spar with Jack Dempsey back at Exeter.
Dempsey refused to shower with the other guys.
Comeback: That's nothing special. My uncle once muffled a fart on Rocky Marciano on a flight back from Vegas.
Accidentally of course, it was all the same to Rockey though.
Nate the Namedropper: I saw Neil Patrick Harris at the LCD Soundsystem concert out by the trash fence at burning man this year.
Guy was wearing an Obama mask.
Comeback: Nate you ain't seen sh*t. I once saw Steve Harvey put a bathroom out of commission at a Wendy's.
Nate the Namedropper: So I ask my girlfriend who was the hottest person she had in her phone.
She shows me Jude Law. I kid you not.
Comeback: Pah-lease. My high school girlfriend once snorted Percocets off a samurai sword with Steve Seagal in Phuket.
Had his kid.
Ok So Pants Are Backlogged: Here's Why It's Mark Cuban's Fault
Summer’s Here. That Means Oxford Birddogs and DWI’ing Golf Carts.
Get Seersucker Birddogs and You'll Marry Into Wealth.
5 Socially Crippling Stories About Our Friends.
Four New Wives Tales You Have Never Heard About.