the weekly bird
How to Reinvent Yourself Before School Starts.
Tip #1: Become a hat guy.
Make a splash by wearing a hat indoors.
Fat? Find a fez. Balding? Jump in a Kangol.
Tip #2: Get some glasses.
Nothing says "I'm different" more than a recently diagnosed astigmatism.
Tip #3: If you HAVE glasses, get rid of 'em.
That guy from The Blind Side couldn't see and he got SO much money.
Tip #4: Fake a musical talent.
Pass out flyers for advanced piano lessons.
Tip #5: Wear tap shoes.
Charlie Chaplin wore tap shoes and also tapped his way into the heart of every starlet in Hollywood.
5 Misses That Kept Me A Virgin Until I Was 23.
Call For Dick Hertz and Other Pranks We Regret From Childhood.
Why Aren’t BBQs Called Meat-N-Greets and Other Word Improvements.
Office Poll: What's Your Spirit Animal?
Negotiating Tactics for Guys Who Use the Word Mufflebags.