Socially crippling qualities he wishes he had.
Trait #1: A little male pattern baldness have you thinking of a toupee?
Whigs and headcovers are for the
British Parliament and Arabian Royalty.
Lovers don't make basecamp at the top of the mountain,
they spend their time spelunking in the caverns below.
Trait #2: Born with small hands?
Trait #3: Urge to constantly send unsolicited dick pics?
You wouldn't throw a lampshade over Michelangelo's David.
Trait #4: Always getting caught in the act?
If your girlfriend walks in while you're cranking the love pump -
tell her you were just warming up the engine for her.
Even a top of the line push-mower
won't start without a couple of dry rips.
Trait #5: A quick shooter in bed?
It was probably her fault.