the weekly bird
Riding Your Bike As An Adult.
Tip #1: Don't be silly, wear a helmet.
You're a full-grown adult riding a bicycle, which means you've never played a sport.
Tip #2: If a car honks, put in ear buds and weave.
There's literally nothing they can do except murder you.
Tip #3: Make some jumps.
Now that you're a grown-ass man, don't be afraid to make some grown-ass jumps.
Tip #4: Put baseball cards in your spokes.
It's a delightful way to get a smile.
Tip #5: Wear proper attire.
Pesky blue jeans can get caught in your wheels and gears.
Best to suit up with a pair of Birddogs.
Think Kim Kardashian's Smut to Stardom Was the Original? Please, Jim Jordashian Wrote the Playbook.
It's Snowing Steve Irwin (RIP). Put On Some Pants and Stay Alive.
5 Misses That Kept Me A Virgin Until I Was 23.
Call For Dick Hertz and Other Pranks We Regret From Childhood.
Why Aren’t BBQs Called Meat-N-Greets and Other Word Improvements.