the weekly bird
THE LEGEND OF STAFF SERGEANT TED DUNGEE
A True Patriot Who Hazed Our Boys To Become American Fighting Machines.
S.S. TD Legend #1:
Sarge told me he was gonna poop in a box then mail it to my parents.
When I asked why he said:
S.S. TD Legend #2:
Sergeant Dungee hates fat recruits.
He blames them for breathing too much of his oxygen and clogging his pipes with their jumbo dumps.
S.S. TD Legend #3:
After a failed inspection, Sergeant Dungee made me clean his car with my toothbrush and brush my teeth after.
I got severely ill but I learned a valuable lesson, thanks Sarge.
S.S. TD Legend #4:
Sarge told me only steers and queers came from my hometown.
He then proved it with a racy photo of some gay cows.
S.S. TD Legend #5:
Instead of "bed inspections", SS Ted Dungee would give us "Ted inspections".
"Ted inspections" consisted of the Sargent sitting on our faces until we passed out.
S.S. TD Legend #6:
After missing some rounds downrange, Sarge made me punch myself in the face.
I deserved it though for being born with a lazy eye.
