the weekly bird
The Ones That Didn't Make It.A tribute to those that shat their pants.
#1: Wolf pays Boy Scouts a Visit.
Woke up with an emergency situation and wasn't brave enough to distance myself from base camp.
The next morning, the troop leader discovered my load and called the Park Rangers. They believed a large mammal had left it.
To this day, some boys still believe a wolf had visited our camp.
#2: Carpool Surprise.
I was driving my carpool to work and was sure I had a real ringer of an air biscuit coming. So I turned down the radio for comedic effect.
Instead, everyone heard me open up an entire bag of keester cakes in my pants. No one laughed and one guy puked.
#3: 6th Grade Field Trip.
Walking through Colonial Williamsburg, I stopped in my tracks and let it all go. I heard one of the actors whisper:
Very unprofessional for him to break character like that.
#4: Pringles Can at a Party.
In college, I dropped a line of rum putty in a Pringles can due to the block-long bathroom line. A girl I liked found it and freaked out.
I blamed it on Posco who was fully blacked-out. To this day we call him Poopy Pants Posco.
#5: Summer Day Camp, Age 12.
I got the tum-rums and had to make a break for the potter john, but came up short halfway there and got bitten by the brown dragon.
Attempts to clean up the mess with single-ply only made matters worse, so I told the camp counsellors fell in dog crap.
But they knew...they knew.