the weekly bird
We Asked the Guys in the Office What They'd Do if They Won the LotteryMore like when then if.
SAM: I'd start a competing peanut butter company to Jif called Iff.
My slogan would be: "Choosy Moms choose Jif. Easy Moms choose Iff.
MASON: I'd buy a new car for everyone in my family.
But not a nice car... like a Ford Fiesta. I wouldn't want them to think THEY ALSO won the lottery.
PETER: I'd buy a private jet, hire a pilot, fly to the nearest active volcano, and take a s*** in it.
It would be amazing to watch a turd pop and explode as it bounces on lava.
KYLE: I'd take out a full-page ad in the NY Post or some second-rate newspaper.
It'd be a picture of Pat fully nuked saying: "For a good time, call Easy Pat".
MARK: I'd launch a TV station called the Asian Movie Channel (AMC).
I'd redo Mad Men and The Walking Dead with Asian characters who use logic and low wages to solve their problems.
KARL: I'd follow Taylor Swift on tour.
Eventually, she'd see me in the crowd and call me on stage. I'd be all like, "Oh, I don't know the words..." But I do - I know every word. Then, we'd perform the rest of the show together and make coitus on stage. The crowd would go wild.
Months later, we'd record a duet album and break up shortly after because I'm "not about the music anymore." Plus, I'd have been hooking up with Selena Gomez on the side the whole time.
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