the weekly bird
8 Facts of 80's Latte Legend Juan Valdéz
Fact #1: Juan Valdéz got his start collecting Mexican Wrestling cards.
He had the only complete set of La Chupacabra - or the Mexican Strangler.
He sold his collection in '71 for $635 - but that's like 2.7 billion pesos.
Fact #2: Juan started his import operation on a small scale.
He made a drug mule out of a box turtle and a turkey sandwich on rye.
The sandwich was for the turtle.
Fact #3: Juan was such a cocksure teen, he entered his own dongle into a cockfight and lost terribly.
All was not lost, turns out old Juan had bet against himself and made a killing.
Fact #4: Juan appeared on The Price is Right and won the Showcase Showdown.
But he never saw a dime of his winnings due to a legal dispute over taxes owed on a brand new Chevy Cavalier and a collection of women's shoes.
Fact #6: To celebrate his boy's Quinceañera, Juan had his son blow up a cow with a bazooka.
But out of respect for the cow, he used all of the meat in a guyo-pinto styled dish that was the talk of the town for days.
Fact #7: Juan has a lifetime ban from Dave and Busters for cashing in counterfeit tickets.
He made off with a giant panda and a dozen Twizzlers.
Fact #8: To commemorate his 50th birthday, Juan's hometown of Tunja gave him a key to the city.
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