The story begins

The Log Of Captain Silas Talbot, USS Ironside

July 23rd, 1799

Taken command of the USS Ironside. I've never seen such camaraderie. The men insist on sharing bunks even though there are A LOT of open beds available.

August 11th, 1799

The Frenchman aboard taught us something called the "French Tickler." I can tell you that it does not, in fact, tickle.

December 31st, 1799

We took leave onshore in New Orleans. I feared the crew would be tempted by the burlesque houses - alas, not one of them entered. They are so devoted to their wives.

August 19th, 1800

Enemy cannon balls bounced off our hull leading the crew to cry out, "Our sides are made of iron!" Some also exclaimed, "It's not the first time balls had bounced off them."

November 1st, 1801

I have taken over command of the USS Ironside. This crew is totally gay. I knew they were hiding something super tight.