The story begins
Sammy Simon TD's: The American Legend That Won't Ever Die
#1: Sammy became a Chicago legend when he threw for 7 touchdowns, drank 27 beers and had sex with 3 people.
Two of whom were men.
#2: Sammy's legacy wasn't just limited to the gridiron.
He went down in baseball history as the only man to pick off a runner at 3rd with a potato.
#3: It was a common misconception that TD stood for "touchdown."
It actually stood for "Tokyo Dome" after he got caught 69'ing a Japanese exchange student in the band room.
#4: Sammy's offer letter to Michigan was pulled after he crashed Sigma Nu's Annual Island Party.
He performed an expertly researched reenactment of the Battle of Antietam with salt and pepper shakers until security kicked him out.
#5: Sammy led his team to a state semifinal win with a torn ACL.
Later that afternoon, sky high on Valium, Sammy drove into a pool during a family gathering screaming, "I'm going to die!"